Ordering for the Whole Family Without Remortgaging the House: A Field Guide

There's a moment every group-orderer knows too well. You're on the phone (or hovering over the online basket), six people are shouting suggestions, and by the time you hang up you've ordered eleven curries, four rices, and enough naan to insulate the loft. Then the doorbell rings, everyone eats a third of what's on the table, and you're eating pilau for breakfast until Tuesday.

We've fed a lot of hungry UK families from our little kitchen, and we've learned a thing or two about ordering well. Consider this the cheat sheet we wish someone had handed us.

The Golden Formula: Curries, Sides, Breads

For a standard takeaway feast, here's the maths that actually works:

• Curries: one curry per two people, plus one spare. For six people, that's four curries. Sounds scandalous? Trust us — with sides, it's plenty.
• Rice: one portion per two people again. Pilau for four covers six hungry diners comfortably.
• Breads: one naan per person, minimum. Naan is not a side. Naan is a right.
• Sides: one or two — a mixed bhaji platter or a portion of samosas goes further than you'd think.
• Poppadoms: one per person, plus dip. Non-negotiable. It's the law (probably).

So for six: four curries, three rices, six naans, two sides, poppadoms all round. Add one more curry if your crowd includes a teenager, a rugby player, or anyone who refers to themselves as 'a big lad'.

Casting the Family: Everyone Gets a Dish

The trick to a happy table is ordering curries like you're casting a play. Every character needs a role:

The Picky Kids — Go for a mild chicken korma or a butter chicken-style dish. Creamy, gentle, and guaranteed to disappear. Add plain rice and let them dunk naan like it's a hobby. Nobody at any age has ever been mocked for korma in this house.

The Spice-Shy Grandparent — A dhansak might push it; a mild vegetable curry or a creamy chicken tikka masala hits the sweet spot. Bonus: grandparents love a shared dish, so they'll happily graze across the table.

The Heat-Seeking Uncle — Every family has one. The man who asks for 'extra chillies on the side' and means it. Give him a vindaloo or a phall to wrestle with, and he'll be quiet all evening — apart from the occasional satisfied sniff.

Everyone Else — Fill the middle ground with a madras or a bhuna. Medium heat, big flavour, broad appeal. These are the workhorses of any good spread.

Money-Saving Moves the Pros Use

A few behind-the-counter secrets:

• Vegetarian dishes stretch further. A chana masala or saag paneer costs less and feeds more. Order one even if nobody's veggie — it'll vanish.
• Sharing sides beat individual ones. One big bhaji platter for the table costs less than four starters and creates the lovely chaos of everyone reaching at once.
• Don't over-order 'just in case'. 'In case' is how fridges fill with orphaned rice. Order to the formula, and if you're peckish later, well — see our previous article about the joys of next-day curry.
• Check set meals and bundles. Many takeaways (ours included) offer family feasts that bundle the lot for less than ordering piece by piece. Do the sums before you tap.

The Final Word: Order Once, Order Well

A great curry night isn't about maximum volume — it's about maximum joy per pound. Get the balance right and you'll have six happy diners, an empty serving tray, and a table full of people already arguing about who gets the last naan.

Next time the family descends, order like you've done this a hundred times. Because after this guide, you basically have.